The past few weeks have felt like a time warp. Time feels as if it is flying by and slowing down at the same time. More than once Kendall has asked, “When’s dinner?” Before I say, “We just had lunch,” I look at the clock to see that 6 hours have passed since lunch. Then other times I think, “That doctor’s appointment was last week,” only to then remember “Oh no, it was just yesterday.”
I am having trouble staying focused, remembering what I have done, and what I still need to do. This lack of focus has been evident in my devotional/study time. Since Kip’s diagnosis I have yet to finish an entire week of homework for my current Beth Moore Bible study (Children of the Day, for any who are interested). Those who have been in study groups with me before know this is out of character. My tendency is to try and dig into the material; to get every new crumb that God is providing for me at the time.
It’s not that I am foregoing time with God; just maybe that I’m not exploring new territory and building new knowledge of Him. Instead, I am relying on what He has already taught me and drawing strength from that. Verses or songs of praise continually go through my head throughout the day. He reminds me of past experiences. Lessons from bygone days that I’ve managed to tuck away in the recesses of my mind….and perhaps allowed to tarnish with the patina of disuse. I have a growing realization of how important devotional time and scripture memorization are when times are good, because of the comfort provided when life gets bumpy and the path obscured.
Here are a few of the verses that I have relied on over the past few weeks. (Please excuse the randomness of the following, but like I said, I am have trouble staying focused).
Psalm 46:10a – “Be still, and know that I am God”
This has been my go to verse when everything seems to be spinning around me. This verse is a reminder that this situation is out of my control, but not His.
Isaiah 40:31 – “but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
While driving to a doctor’s appointment last week, I looked up and saw a bald eagle. I then began to sing,
They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength,
they shall mount up on wings as an eagle.
They shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint;
teach me Lord, teach me Lord, how to wait.
Oh teach me Lord, I wanna know how to wait.
I knew that God was with me, and that I could rely on Him to give me the strength that I needed. But I also realized that He is teaching me to wait. I am so excited about our upcoming move to the Dominican Republic, and being a part of all what God is doing there. However, we are still here. And here is where I am to be working for His Kingdom today. That is His plan. Furthermore, I should be as excited and passionate to be a part of God’s work here as I will be after getting to the DR…..whether in the community of San Pablo, Villa González or in a Tampa hospital waiting area.
1 Corinthians 1:18 – For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
This verse played through my head as I talked with a lady in the waiting room at Moffitt. I was waiting for Kip as he had yet another MRI, and she was waiting for her next radiation treatment. When I said, “God is in control, and He will be glorified no matter the outcome.” She looked at me and smiled cautiously. She then looked at the clock. I could tell that she was thinking, “Oh man, how much longer will I have to sit here by this Jesus Freak?” If nothing else, I managed to plant a seed. I hope it springs forth from fertile soil some day.
I suppose what I’m learning through all this waiting and wondering is that it’s so easy to get caught up in activities of life when times are good that we put God on the back burner with the knowledge that He is there if I need Him. However, we need to live out Colossians 3:16 every day: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” I am thankful that God is not bound by the constraints of time or my perception of it, He never gets too busy for me, and He is always in control. His Word may seem like foolishness to some, but it is where I draw my strength. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.